Comment from Ann
Time: October 31, 2007, 12:00 am

Just had a question, If the father’s name is not on the birth cert. and the mother decides it is to hard to deal with the child on her own and then comes back a week later and says she wants the child back, can the father keep the baby even if he is not on the birth cert. Im trying to help my friend but he has every excuse in the book for her. Need some advise so that i can help him out.

Comment from papa
Time: November 2, 2007, 10:50 pm

Hi Ann, and thanks for posting your question.
I’m not an attorney, but, I do have a bit to share because I, too, was left off the birth certificate, and, this particularly pissed me off as I was with her for the whole pregnancy including being present for delivery ….. what I did was I hired a lawyer who filed a motion which among other things got my name on the birth certificate.

I think this would be a very very good thing for your friend to look into.

Comment from Terrance
Time: December 6, 2007, 2:27 pm

I could possible be the father of a little boy. I was put on child support for this child however I have some doubts if the child is even mines. The child support office will not allow me to have a DNA test. What can I do? Also the mother of the child had her brother to sign my name on the child’s birth cert. Can I do anything about this matter. Please help.

Comment from papa
Time: December 22, 2007, 8:54 pm

Hi Terrance, I am not a lawyer… that having been said, I am surprised that you are being denied a DNA test… I decided to have one ordered, and, there was no resistance……… at this point I think you are going to need to consult with a lawyer………

Comment from William Hawkins III
Time: January 27, 2008, 5:18 pm

i have a question about the people that live in and/or hang out and spend the night in the same house as my daughter, that as you said yes she is not letting me see my daughter I know the crowd are all heavy drinkers what can i do?

Comment from papa
Time: January 29, 2008, 11:07 am

William.. you know… it’s your right to know whoever is around your daughter……… it sounds like Mom is not being very cooperative… you should consult with a lawyer on this and this environment doesn’t sound like it’s necessarily in your daughter’s best interest… particularly as you say there’s heavy drinking involved… you, I presume, don’t drink heavily and have your act together… good…. if you don’t have your act together, get it together… … if you can’t afford a lawyer, many lawyers have a free consultation… you should seek out either fathers rights or mens groups in your area… start to network… read about fathers rights… get some books from the bookstore or from your library………

Comment from June
Time: February 3, 2008, 2:21 pm

Question: Know your not a lawyer. But my nephew is having real problems with his DM. Resently told him that if he signed his truck over to her she would not making him pay any more child support. He is out of work due to health issues. once he signed the truck over (STUPID MOVE) she then reapplied for child support. Now there taking his income tax refund. Says she doing it to show him responsibilty. Now this is a women who has 5 kids from three differnt men, gets child support from all three. does not work and consisently gives them all a lesson in “responsiblitly” And the Child enforcement stands behind her, She even had three different guys at the hospital when she went into labor, with my niece saying she wasn’t sure who the father was but wanted them all there. And 2 of them had restraining orders against them.
Question is: don’t you think that my nephew should get him an attorney to help fight her? She always acts like she has total control over everything. On christmas she came and got her because my nephew had his girlfreind there riding horses with my niece and she was loving it even cried that she didn’t want to go home. The women came from OKLA to Fort Leonard Wood, MO just to get her 2 days early. Moved my niece to Calif. to apply for child support because the rate is higher. My nephew is afraid that he will be spending money that he does not have on an attorney. and still get no where like he has with child services. What do you think?

Comment from papa
Time: February 3, 2008, 11:56 pm

Hi June,
I think your nephew should certainly get an attorney. At the very least, many lawyers have a free initial consultation at which you can get a lot of your questions answered and figure out where you stand. Furthermore, an attorney can better help your nephew deal with his x’s antics, get a fair child support payment, get fair visitation etc.

I’m not saying that family court is perfect. It’s not. But when dealing with somebody like your nephew’s x, you will probably do better with getting an order from the judge then trying to negotiate directly with the mother.

The preferable scenario, of course, is to work directly with the mother or attend mediation/counseling with her to work out an agreement. From the information you provide, though, she sounds to disagreeable for this.

Good luck.

Comment from Laurie
Time: February 5, 2008, 6:05 pm

My husband’s ex…..
So much to say - so little space. They were divorced almost 7 years ago (Court signed document stating equal shared parenting - where no one pays child support), she never wanted kids in the first place but had two with him. She left him for a while with the kids because “she wasn’t ready to be a mom and wanted to find herself”. Now that he has gotten re-married and has moved on with his life, she has decided to try to get child support from him. The first attempt was denied. She then went at a different angle, she wants nothing to do with her youngest daughter because she is daddy’s little girl, and the oldest one favors her so she pitted his oldest daughter against him by telling her lies and was appointed a law guardian, which she called every day to tell her how awful her father was and how she doesn’t want to live with him. The court awarded the mother (more days spent) with her but not full custody. She then took him back to court 2 more times and lost both times - NOW she’s appealing the court order and taking it to appellate court. In the interim of the court battle on the down time - the oldest remained coming to our house - there were good days and bad days, but for the most part there were good. She would sit on her fathers lap and tell him that she loved him in one breath then on the bad days when mom was coaxing her she would tell him that he’s the worst father and that she’s deathly afraid of him. Anyways… 18 months, $30,000 later and nothing has changed, and the DM is still going full force until she gets what she wants… money - Casey is just the pawn - she is being used and doesn’t even know it. She thinks her mom actually wants her.
Her mom does not take care of the kids, her live in boyfriend does along with her mom that she makes live in the finished basement of her house. (Mind you she makes them both pay rent) SEE it is all about the money! FOR AN EXAMPLE of her greed: When her father died, her and her sister were not in the will, she went to her mother (who is deathly afraid of her) and said daddy would want me and Cheryl to have $10,000 each and made her give them the money.
My husband is a disabled retired police officer making next to nothing, she owns her own business, lives in a $300,000 house on 15 acres, drives a hummer, but claims poverty on her financial affidavit.
My husband is so deeply depressed because he feels as though he is losing his daughter, he feels as though his hands are tied and that he has no fathers rights. His ex told him when they split up that if she could not have him - no one would because she would make his life miserable. She knows the only way to do this is through his kids - because it’s the only thing that matters to him.

My husbands lawyer is so enthralled with this whole ordeal - she suggested him to go and talk to another lawyer to get fresh new ideas and maybe go about it at different angles. The problem with this is a consult with a different lawyer costs money - just a consult would cost $300.00. We don’t have an extra $300.00 to do this.

MY QUESTION TO YOU is:
Do you know if there is any repercussions that we can make towards her to try to get the lawyers fees back if she loses again in appellate court?

What is my husbands rights?

What can he do to enforce them in NY State?

How do we get her to stop? Especially if we think she is fuc&*%$ her lawyer (no lawyer fees or minimal fees).

Any advise at this point would be helpful!
Thank you!

Comment from papa
Time: February 5, 2008, 9:16 pm

Dear Laurie, first thanks for sharing your story, and, sorry to hear about the trouble you’re having with the spiteful x. I got a little confused at a few points; but, it sounds like the x is conditioning the one daughter to be against her father: and, that’s a very serious problem called PAS Parental Alienation Syndrome.

One thing I don’t understand about your story is why is your husband’s lawyer “enthralled” and without ideas and suggesting that he talk to another lawyer………

I’ll tell you what… don’t be crazy! Follow her advice and go talk to another lawyer. One thing I absolutely don’t want to hear my lawyer ever fucking say is, “Go talk to another lawyer!” You can bet your ass I’d be walking out that door before she got the words out of her mouth.

That is shocking to me. So, yes, by all means… find a competent lawyer this time, and, your situation will not seem so hopeless and your hubby won’t be depressed.

Try to get recommendations from people you know who have been through similar situations. See if there are any fathers rights groups in your area where you can network with people and get leads on finding a good lawyer.

A lot of lawyers do have free consultations. Eventually you’re going to have to spend some money… that’s going to be unavoidable.

Good luck

Comment from Maggie
Time: February 7, 2008, 8:25 pm

Question: If the mother doesn’t want the father to be on the birth certificate, is there anything he can do to get on it? Can he get a court order? And what can I do to prevent him from getting onto the birth certificate? He’s having some legal trouble with drugs, and I don’t want him on the certificate. I won’t deny my daughter her father, nor will I keep information about him from her, but I don’t think he deserves to be on it. He won’t be with me during delivery, and I want him to have the least to do with her as possible.

Comment from papa
Time: February 8, 2008, 12:16 am

Hi Maggie, thank you for stopping by. I am not a lawyer; so, I can’t answer your question in a definitive way. But, I can tell you my personal experience as a dad and what I did to get on my daughter’s birth certificate.

The law is strange, and, things vary from state to state. My story took place in New Jersey. I’ll give a little background because you and my other readers might appreciate that… You see, I was present at the hospital when my daughter was born. And, the mother chose to not put me on the birth certificate: and, I didn’t find this out until a few months later…

The mother had (has) some psychological problems… but, still… it does hurt to have a child and not be on the birth certificate. It essentially makes an official bastard of the child: no dad. Do you really want to officially make your child a bastard? Don’t think about your negative feelings towards the dad… think about the child.

Honestly, I don’t think it’s for you to decide whether or not he deserves to be on the birth certificate. If you recognize and do not dispute that he is the biological father… then, keep in mind the birth certificate indicates simply who is the biological father. It doesn’t indicate whether he’s a model citizen, a drug user, a church goer, or an exercise freak. It simply means, in plain English, that it is his sperm that provided half of the genetic code for the child.

I think you’re feeling a lot of hurt because he won’t be there with you during delivery. I hope that he has a good excuse for that. If not, I understand why this would hurt you. If he can, he should definitely be there for the birth of his child.

When my daughter was born, I was the first person she saw… and, that may be the best moment of my life.

Anyway, yes… I believe that he’ll be able to get himself on the birth certificate. I did. It cost me a lot. I got a lawyer and took her to court and ordered a DNA test and I succeeded in my objective. At that point the first visitation schedule was also created.

So, it all depends on how important it is to him. Unless he’s a murderer or a really really terrible guy; I’d encourage you to put him on the birth certificate.

Good luck.

Comment from lynn magni
Time: February 9, 2008, 10:02 am

i just want to see if someone could help me and my son. he wasnt put on the birth cert. but we did a dna and found out the child is his. now i need some to help him because the baby was taken away from the mom because she was on crack and no one knew. now my son dont do drugs he has been test . because of his work. the babys great aunt has him and wont let us have him. grandparents dont have rights here in alabama. so what can we do. somone out there please help us. thanks

Comment from papa
Time: February 9, 2008, 2:22 pm

Hi Lynn, you are going to want to talk to a lawyer. From your brief comment, it sounds to me like your son should have a pretty good chance of getting custody as he is the father and the baby was already taken away from the mom. My advice is you tell your son to fight for his child.

Comment from chris potter
Time: February 12, 2008, 4:10 am

I have a real good one here. I am a father of two children as you can tell here divorced. I have been since march of 2003. My ex wife yes is your tipical one. We have joint legal custody of the two children. Yeah like that means anything in alabama. After the divorce she had moved to north alabama which was three hundred miles from here. I live in mobile. As you know I didn’t get to see my kids that much. My visitation is set for every other weekend but not to be limited to that. Now even though it says that she can still say no and there is nothing that can be done that is wrong. I had spent years fighting to be able to see them with people telling me there was nothing I could do. They say there is nothing that can be done to her because she said that if I wanted to see them then I had to come and get them. Now I pay her child support and all and she has to do nothing to help me see them. Anyhow during this time alot of stuff had gone on one of the children had been taken to the doctor or hospital about 80 times in a year. Sounds crazy. It really is especialy when you see the things she went for and the medicines she came out with. There is normally a disease called munchausen. The mother perfect canidate. think something is done wrong. So I have gone a total of three and a half years without seeing them properly. All the time though I have been trying to get her to court to no avail. Then finally last year in september after countless letters to her asking to help me see my children. What do you know I get papers from her that I have to go to court she wants more money. At the same time frame of this I had finally got to file to take her to court. Then on Oct 28 2007 I get a phone call from her saying that her and the kids were here in mobile. Great news yeah there was a reason. Come to find out her husband had punched or backhanded my daughter right in the face. Hard enough to leave a bruise. He also had pulled a gun on my ex and the kids. My daughter also had a really big bruise on her leg the mother says came from a belt in which she had done. Now that is just great what else have these kids been through. I haven’t talked to the kids right nor seen them right because of her. When I do get them here in mobile this is how they are. But ok we got a court date. Thats a joke. As any person easier to blame the other person for what you did wrong so she blamed her suppose to be ex husband for all the stuff over the last few years. I’m no fool though. So things go good here for a little bit she keeps the kids two weeks then I get them for two weeks. Guess she needs help. Well then Everyone tells me that no matter what happened now she can say that she left her husband and there is nothing I can do now that gets better. Finally she gets her paper to go to court. Things change again I don’t see the kids anymore or talk to them on the phone again. this time though they are just a few miles from me here. What do I get told once again there is nothing that can be done. So on Feb 11 2008 we go to court think that was good yeah for her. She gets her raise in child support now I have to pay her 1000.00 a month what is that. Then she flat out tells the attorneys that her and her husband are back together and he has moved back in. Again I can’t do nothing. What is the problem here I have been to lawyers dhr the whole nine yards I have two big folders full of stuff paper evidence on this person and there is nothing that can be done I can’t have custody. What has to happen here her or her husband kill the kids and I get their ashes. The best part of all this was when they came up with the new child support money. I work overtime every chance that I get to make ends meet and raise my other child. They even calculated that in there like I made that all the time. Now out of a regular check she gets over half of it. I can’t do nothing to her for what her and her husband has done to the kids and she gets all that come on. Now someone please tell me where this court system is anywhere equal between the mother and the father. I say it is a joke. It is like the father has rights until there is a divorce then they just don’t tell you that your parental rights are stripped. You just have to pay this crazy amount of money. When do they care about what else that person has to provide for. In my case they don’t and probably never will. Oh and there is alot more to all this I would just be here writing a book by the time I was done. Thanks for listening

Comment from papa
Time: February 12, 2008, 1:26 pm

Dear Chris, thank you for leaving your story. I hope it made you feel a little better to get that out… part of this website, for me, is that it helps to talk (or type) about these things…

Part of me doesn’t even know what to say to you brother except I’m saddened to hear the lack of justice your children and you are receiving. Most disturbing is that your daughter actually was hit by this man. I bet you went fucking nuts when you heard that.

The repeated trips to the doctor sure do sound like Munchausen By Proxy.

I’m not going to lie… you are getting screwed and your daughter is obviously suffering… and so are you. I can only wonder if part of the problem is you have a lame lawyer. Or, did you have a fucked-up judge? I don’t know. If you would have had the judge I just had…. you would have been given custody… guaranteed…

Hang in there brother for you daughter and stop back and let us know what’s happening.

Comment from Holly
Time: February 16, 2008, 1:12 am

I don’t have any questions, I just wanted to comment for the fathers who aren’t sure about what they should do. Background info - I have two daughters. The first, her father lives in another state. No matter what my feelings are towards him, I don’t say a word against him because she might happen to hear. When I started the child support case, he tried to draw it out so he could go longer without having to pay. He asked for DNA testing even though she looks just like his other daughter. But he didn’t show up for the court date to have that testing done, so the court automatically acknowledged him as the father. It took two and a half years to get a child support order, but as soon as I did, he started working under the table. Very frustrating case. I hear from people we both know that he complains I never let him see her, so he won’t pay. I’ve tried alot of things to get what my daughter deserves from him, not just money, she wants a daddy. But I can’t afford to fly her to see him. I’ve learned not to count on the court or him in this situation.

My second daughter, that’s a different story. Her father and I ended things hating each other. He was upset because I never said I didn’t believe in abortion and I was pregnant and hormonal and mean, not much of an excuse, but I thought that my children would grow up with absent fathers. Shortly after my second one was born, I ran into him in the grocery store and talked to him for a minute, gave him her hospital picture. He called me that evening asking if he could take her for a couple hours. He flipped his whole way of life in the 6 months we didn’t speak. I let him take her when he wanted, but didn’t go out of my way for him. He fought to get named her father, he fought to get a child support order. We don’t have a custody order, when he wants to take her, he’ll call me the day before. At times he won’t be able to pay support when I’m counting on the money, but since he tries, I don’t mind.

I’ve gone through alot with baby’s daddys, one of them dead beat, bringing up every and any excuse why he shouldn’t take care of his responsibilities, the other doing what he can, telling me he wished he could do more.
I just want to say, if you’re a father, if you really want to do what’s right, fight for your child/ren. If you’re a real father, you’re not going to do it to make it rough for your ex, you’re doing it because you know what your kids need. Children need their fathers. Alot of the time, the reason the ex is spiteful and distrustful, it’s because of the things she went through with you during the relationship and she was never able to get past it. I never thought I could do it, but my younger daughter’s father earned my trust back. Usually a decent mother will see that their child loves daddy and won’t want to cause drama. But, there are exceptions, I know this. Your child is worth the years of battles you might have to endure.

Comment from papa
Time: February 16, 2008, 12:25 pm

Dear Holly,

thanks a lot for sharing your thoughts…….
truly appreciated and best of luck to you and your family!

Comment from Kendal
Time: March 4, 2008, 12:23 pm

I have been having a lot of problems with my ex. She has admitted that she is obsessed with me and refuses to let me be happy. She says that she will ruin my life until I accept her back into my life. Whenever my current girlfriend comes into town she will refuse to allow me to see my daughter. She tells my daughter, who is three, really mean and terrible things both about me and my girlfriend. We always had an agreement between us and didn’t go to court. I now have an attorney and we go to court in a few weeks over visitation. She in turn has an attorney and says she is fighting so that my girlfriend will not be allowed around our daughter. My girlfriend is planning on moving in and we have plans to be married. What do I do when it comes to be able to see my daughter when my girlfriend is there? Does the court system listen to the mother and put restrictions on who is allowed around the kids during my visitation? Please help…

Comment from papa
Time: March 5, 2008, 10:52 pm

Kendal, I believe that you are doing the smart thing in going to court. It is not illegal for you to have a girlfriend around your child as far as I know.

Read this post right here.

good luck

Comment from Betty
Time: March 6, 2008, 9:45 am

My son is currently in the process of trying to obtain joint custody of his 3 month old daughter. He and the mother of the child were never married she lived with him for approximately a year. She just decided she wanted out of the relationship and left with the clothes on their back. She is currently living in government assisted housing and is not working. My son has a very good salary, over 100K a year and has no problem with paying child support. His problem is that he wants to be more than an every other weekend dad he wants to help raise his daughter in more sutiable livving conditions. He owns his home and currently has a nursery established for the baby. His current attorney has told him that he will only be able to get the standard visitations which is every other weekend and one night a week. This arrangement is just not what is best for the child because the mom is useless and will take the child support and blow it on useless items. My son is afraid if he doesn’t have more time with the child that she will become a product of her surroundings and will not be any better than the mother when she is grown. My son has a college degree and wants his daughter to go to college as well. Is there any hope that my son could be granted 50/50 custody of the child through the courts based on the mother’s standard of living? Also the mom took out an EPO on my son and when he went to court the judge on the case would not let my son and his attorney dispute the allegations, instead the judge issued a domestic violence order which is on my son’s criminal record un 2010. My son was not at the house when the mother left he had spent the night at my home because the mother was acting crazy and he did not want to be in the same house with her. There was no police report to support the domestic violence accusation, basically my son has been wrongly accused of a crime he did not commit. At this time my son is so concerned that the domestic order will ruin his chances of promoting with his company. Is there any action he can take to have this order reversed and removed from any police records?

Comment from papa
Time: March 6, 2008, 10:15 am

Hi Betty, one thing that concerns me about your situation is that you have an attorney and still have so much confusion about the legal process. The lawyer probably costs a lot and one benefit of having a lawyer is that he or she is supposed to clear-up your confusion as far as how the law looks at a situation.

Ultimately, what the Judge needs to see is that living with your son is in the child’s best interest. That is supposed to be the standard of the court… though, many dads feel they encounter gender bias in the family court system. I know I feel that way.

There are a few good forums where people answer questions like yours (which are beyond me)… when you go to the home page of this website, look on the right side and scroll down…. there is a heading that says FORUMS … under there are a few links… give one of those a try, and, keep fighting……

good luck

Comment from mrg
Time: March 7, 2008, 8:38 pm

my fiance’s ex girlfriend and the mother of his two children decided to start to try to keep the kids away from him, turn them against him, lie about not reciving any child support in the 5 years since thier seperation and start a horrible time in the court system. this all began when she found out we were getting married and that we purchased a home. in the 2 1/2 years that we have been together, I have seen nothing but that he is a great father. we have always picked up the children on friday afternnon and dropped them off on sunday late night, this is during school time. in the summer and winter breaks we usually have them 4-5 days. for birhdays and christmas we have over spoiled because thier mother chooses not to work and still lives with her mother, mothers boyfriend, a brother and sister all well as her boyfriend, all the while the kids dont have thier own rooms or even a bed to share. WE feel they are extremly neglected, especially his daughter who has mental and learning delays. She recives food stamps, medicade, and financial assistance from the state as well as child support and the kids are on my insurance.The children are never in her care but with thier grandmother.she smokes with an asthmatic son, and the list goes on. ——And before the court situtation started I have tried to be cordial and friendly, yet have raised concerns about issues i belive are serious and require imidiate attention, i have even been a mediator and middle man for my fiance and his ex. I have always asked permision from her regarding haircuts, issues with shaving, diets ext.. However last week the two parents went to mediation and my fiance recomended his daughter needed some kind of counsling as well as dental care, apperently this made her very upset because she called at 10pm to threaten that we would never see the children because we were f—d up for recomending counsling. So yesterday there was a hearing regarding visitation and she asked the court to terminate his time, she was denied that request, but has threatend once again that we still would not get them. we do have a lawyer and are going to request we have the children during the week, we both think we can assist more when it comes to thier education as well as a better home enviroment. We would also like to have child support reduced at this time or have her pay some sort of child support. I am the primary source of income. do we have a chance? and when we are married in a couple of weeks, do I have any rights as a step mother.

Comment from papa
Time: March 7, 2008, 10:04 pm

Dear mrg,

Thanks for leaving your comment, and, stay positive.. Now, I’m not a lawyer, but, from my reading, and, based upon your post, I’d say you have a chance to get residential custody based upon the neglect you mention. … if you can show that the mother isn’t the child’s best interest, and, it sounds to me like there are some real problems there …… you have a chance… go to this forum and register and post your questions …

and, good luck!

Comment from lynn magni
Time: March 14, 2008, 9:19 am

iv got an attornery for my son but now dhr has gotten involed and my son and i had to get an evole to see if we are crazy because of what the great aunt has said. my son wants his baby but its been an upword battle to get his son. i dont think his lawyer is anygood. but we cant afford much more.the baby was put in foster care till this is settled. the great aunt gets to have him on weekends but we have to be supperfised to be with his son. i dont think thats fare. my grand son loves his dad and doesnt want to leave him we he sees him. my grandson is only a 1 year old. i wish i knew of a better lawyer that wont cost us a arm and a leg. what else can we do. some one please help us. the great aunt has told so many lies that we have to prove she is lieing. and we have but she still gets to have him. she has custed me out and my other grand childs school and yelled at me . i have it on recording. i take a record where i go now.

Comment from papa
Time: March 14, 2008, 8:18 pm

Hi Lynn,
It’s often an upward battle. But, as you already know, a lot of times the things that matter take a fight. So, fight the good fight and stay strong. Your son is very lucky to have you just as I am very lucky to have my mother.

I am sorry to hear that the baby is in foster care. That is a sad thing. How did the great aunt manage to get custody over the father?

What you should do is read this post and follow the link.

Good luck and stop here again and let us know what happened.

Comment from lynn magni
Time: March 16, 2008, 9:35 am

to let u know why the great aunt got my grandson is because we hadnt gotten the dna done on my son. it took about 7 months to do that. the mother and aunt fought it all the way. the great aunt is the one who called dhr on the mother and had the child taken away. but she made everyone think i did it. so they threaten to kill me if he went into foster care. they say this is all my fault. But all iv been doing is trying to help my son. The great aunt has lots of money and a reall reall nice house so her lawyer think the baby would be better off with some one who has alot of money. now we arent poor but we get by. and dont need for anything. but she is try to throw her weight around because she has money. she the great aunt has said so much bad things about us. at first when she got the baby she was my friend or atleast i thought she was. she just want to try to get dirt ou t of me. now whe is telling lies and i have to prove she is lieing. now we have her cusing me out at the school of my granddaughter and now she is following us around and causen us prpoblems. im always looking over my shoulder because of the threat the babys moms other aunt and uncle did. what should we do. i know money talks but we dont have that kind of money and she does. help please.

Comment from lynn magni
Time: March 19, 2008, 8:57 am

can anyone help us. how can i get this problem solved if she has so much money. My son is my grandsons father and the lady who is trying to get him is the great aunt. Now she was the reason the baby was taken away from the mom. The mom could careless where the baby goes, she is still on drugs and living with the boys she raped and molsted. what else can we do to stop this lady from getting my sons child. this is been going on for 10 months and im tired of it. i want to help my son but without alot of money its hard. im not saying im broke i have a good life and could help my son and grandson out.

Comment from lynn magni
Time: March 26, 2008, 10:41 am

i guess im not going to get any help here. this is getting bad for me and dont know what to do. now i told u about the babys great aunt, well now she cant get me inperson, so she is getting me through the internet. she is sending me pics of my grandson and let me know she had him for easter. now the foster parents were suppose to have him, thats what the dhr told us. thats why we could not get him for easter. now we are being lied to by the dhr unit. see i told u that her the great aunts has money and is buying everyone off. so now what do i do. that cut mysons and my vist short by one hour. we are suppose to get 2 hour visits. but the dhr person said the foster parent were leaving early so the need to get caden home so they could leave.. then i found out that candy the great aunt had him. so what do i do.PLEASE HELP ME. IM GOING CRAZY OVER THIS, HELP

Comment from lynn magni
Time: March 26, 2008, 4:08 pm

i want to thank u for letting me put my feelings out there. because of god and u all i think things might change for my grand son and myself. we are going to get to get him for the weekend. im so happy thank u again.if i need uall again i will write uall.

Comment from papa
Time: March 26, 2008, 11:23 pm

Dear Lynn, hi : )

CLICK THIS LINK LYNN !!! just put the cursor over the blue text and click it… that will take you to a very cool forum… register there and ask your questions… you will get some good feedback… from people who have been through the grinder….. good luck

Comment from dana
Time: April 4, 2008, 9:33 pm

My boyfriends ex-wife has their daughter enrolled in cheerleading at the age of 9 and this activity pretty much disrupts and rules our home. His current parenting plan says that he has his daughter from Wed until Sun. This current plan has never been changed nor has it been followed I believe in a couple of years. My question is does he have to abide by her orders of where he has to be and pick up and drop the child off every weekend? I know he needs to get a new parenting plan, however, she is getting married this summer. Should he shut up and play her puppet for the next 4-5 months or should he take charge now? Thank you so much for your response.

Comment from papa
Time: April 4, 2008, 11:24 pm

Hi Dana, I don’t really have that much info from you. You can never give too much information when you’re trying to figure out your case. From what you said, no, he doesn’t have to abide by her orders… she and he both have to abide by the orders dictated by the Judge… if I were your boyfriend… well, if it’s a really contentious situation, I’d want to try and time things so you have the court proceedings and preparations timed to somewhat coincide with their wedding… this will give you a bit of a tactical advantage, I think, as they will be busy and preoccupied with their wedding plans… also, see the post above yours where it says click this link lynn… that’s a good link

Comment from Frazzled
Time: April 8, 2008, 11:48 am

To continue my thoughts on a constitutional challenge to Ohio’s statutory support scheme (see my first posting)…it is certainly discriminatory to all “obligors” as it assumes they are all not responsible for caring for their children financially unless regulated. This seems overinclusive at the very least. The only yardstick for measuring whether children are “cared for” financially is how much money is put into the “obligee’s” hands. There is no deference to how well they are cared for as a pragmatic issue…merely that “obligor” is forced to become (in my instance) yet one more entitlement program for the “obligee” by sending money. Is this arbitrary? CSEA has told me it does not matter how well my household cares for the children financially…and they are more then well cared for in that regard…I am, by Ohio’s definition…a deadbeat dad. Does CSEA account for any resources forwarded to “obligee”? No. Therefore, the interest of the state in caring for children loses much of its lustre and force as the law only looks at cash flowing through the state and to “obligee” but NOT to how well the children are cared for outside of the regulations and mandates. This seems to imply that the laws’ requirements and enforcement has little to do with the intent and principles involved in the regulation.
The state should tread lightly on regulating family unless needed. If and when needed, the law should require only that necessary…and the law should actually seek to remedy the problem….
Should there be accountability on the use of the resources funneled through the agency, possibly it would have stronger constitutional validity…but in its present state…and in my circumstances anyway…I think not.
Is it because the agency is subsidized by the feds based on money collected that enforcement so misses the mark relative to the care of the children? How will this weigh on a constitutional challenge?
…Rambling thoughts by a frazzled father of three teens …
Good Luck, ALL

Comment from Frazzled
Time: April 8, 2008, 11:50 am

So does anyone read and/or visit this site at all? I just noticed the most recent comment to be from 2007.

Comment from papa
Time: April 8, 2008, 3:54 pm

Hi Frazzled,

Around 150 - 200 people a day visit this website (that number has been steadily growing since the site first went live about a year ago.) There are a lot of comments left from 2008; so, I’m not quite sure what you meant. Also, bear in mind that the majority of the people are always going to just look without actually participating (ie. leaving comments.)

Anyway, thanks for leaving your thoughts. That is appreciated. I’m not qualified to comment on your thoughts to a constitutional challenge; but, I do encourage you to, in any way possible, fight for the best interests of children in general, and, of course, fathers’ rights.

You seem like a guy who would appreciate our bookstore. In addition, on the home page of the website… on the right hand sidebar you will find a lot of links that I hand-picked to good sources of information, including forums (which have a question-and-answer format) ………

So, good luck to you friend, and, if you can help get this website more popular by linking to it or telling people, that’s appreciated…

thanks

Take care and good luck.

Comment from Frazzled
Time: April 8, 2008, 11:22 pm

Thanks papa…

Sorry about the confusion - I was looking at different links…and in fact cannot find the first part of my posting which rather renders the second part somewhat incomprehensible. Are you aware if my original posting made it to you?

Thanks for maintaining this site…please let me know if there’s anything I can do to help anyone…I’m in Ohio and will do whatever I can to advance the best interests of children by working to make father’s rights more equitable.

The more we share…the more we’ll all know. In this matter, certainly knowledge is power! Hang tough.

Comment from confused
Time: April 9, 2008, 1:35 pm

Hi I am so confused my friend has custody of his children with the mother only getting visitation every other weekend. She has just up and moved out of state she saying it is just temporary but missing her visitation time. I am trying to help him get some kind of answers on what he can do.

Comment from papa
Time: April 10, 2008, 12:05 am

Hi Frazzled, I’m a little confused on the original posting issue. You’re a big help just by being here and participating! If you think this is a useful resource of a website for dads, please help to make it more popular. Thank you!

Comment from papa
Time: April 10, 2008, 12:09 am

Confused… listen… don’t waste any time. If your friend has a court order in place for the visitation, the mother is in contempt of court…. which actually is a pretty serious crime… she isn’t legally permitted to just up and move out of state. She needs a Judge’s approval in order to do that. I would recommend you get your friend to a good, aggressive family law lawyer as soon as possible. Act fast. If you have other questions,
this is a good forum that can help you. And, you can get questions answered by a legal expert for a small fee.

Comment from grammaof1
Time: April 18, 2008, 9:25 am

My unmarried son had a baby with a girl and she left him to go back to her ex just before the birth. After the baby was born, he filed for paternity and it was established that he is the father. But she did not put him on the birth certificate. She also gave the baby her last name. My question is this. What can he do to be put on the birth certificate and what can be done to have the baby’s name changed to his last name if anything? He wants to be a part of the baby’s life and he is as best as he can. They live a couple hours away. He’s able to go see her every other wk, court papers. She’s only 8 months old. he’s worried because now the mother is stating that she’s getting married and he doesn’t want the baby’s last name to change to her ex’s as she is NOT his baby. He asked her to change her name soon after the baby was born but at that time was still bitter and angry and wouldn’t. He wants to bring it up again but this girl is vindictive and he’s afraid she will use the baby to get back at him about the name change and birth certificate. Any help or direction to the right agency would be greatly appreciated.. We are in the state of Florida. Thank you!!

Comment from papa
Time: April 18, 2008, 11:24 am

Dear Gramma of 1… okay, you touch upon a bunch of stuff in your comment… let’s try to take it one by one……….

For your son to get on the birth certificate (if she won’t agreeably amend the birth certificate), he will have to file a motion and take her to court. As the DNA test was already completed, he should have no trouble getting on the birth certificate…. but, if the mother won’t agree, you’ll need a Judge to order it… I know… you see, I had to file a motion in order to get on my daughter’s birth certificate…

If the mother doesn’t agree to it, your son won’t be able to change the baby’s last name. He could ask a Judge, but, given that they were never married and are currently not together, it’s unlikely you’ll get this. You can ask. I did. It was denied.

If your son wanted the baby to have his last name, he should have married the woman.

As far as the mother changing the baby’s last name to her current partner’s last name… that’s a little bit more complicated for me … as far as I know…. that’s a much more complicated thing, and, I did some research, and, I see that the statutes appear to vary state-by-state on this name-changing topic.

This would be a good question to consult this service on …. people have had good experience with it …..

good luck!

Comment from grammaof1
Time: April 18, 2008, 11:39 am

Thank you for your information. Every little bit helps. I wish they had gotten married too. There was plans for it but they didn’t make it that far. He’s doing everything he can to stay in the good graces of the baby’s mom so that she doesn’t use the baby as a weapon. Because that is exactly what she does when she doesn’t get her way or what have you. It’s a real shame that father’s do not have the same rights that a mother has. IMHO mind you. I am proud of all of you men that go above and beyond to be a part of your children’s lives.. You all make a mom real proud! I know.. Because I’m one of those moms.. Thanx again

Comment from Clayton
Time: April 28, 2008, 3:43 pm

Can anyone tell me how to stop the mother of my child from filing restraining orders everytime that she does not get her way. They get denied–eventually– but the cost of me getting that done is ALOT! Also it usually takes 3-6 weeks of me not seeing my daughter and the lawyers trying to work a deal for this to happen. She does it when –and we are NOT together– wants me to be part of something (usually so that she can start a fight) and I refuse so that I do not have to fight with her. Any words of wisdom on this would help– In my state all she has to say is she is scared for her well being–even if she is not!! And our judge grants her a temp order–She has done this twice in the first 13 months of my daughter’s life!!!!

Comment from papa
Time: May 2, 2008, 10:14 am

Clayton, what state are you in?
You are going to want to look into “denial of custody.”

Comment from Clayton
Time: May 2, 2008, 11:08 am

I am in Kansas. I have begged my attorney to file something so that I can see my daughter! She filed a revision to the parenting plan– which sounds like I get another 3-6 weeks of courts etc before I can even think about seeing my daughter!

Comment from Kelvin
Time: May 14, 2008, 5:17 pm

can anyone tell me other than getting a lawyer how I can go about getting visitation for my daughter. My ex-girlfriend lives in SC and is refusing to allow me to see my daughter. I have done research and talked with the Clerk of Courts office for the county she lives in and have been informed there are forms or paperwork I can submit in order to get visitation, but I need a court order in order to get the visitation. I’ve been told that I have to get a lawyer to submit whatever is necessary to go to court. Unfortunately, I don’t have the funds to afford a lawyer, but I am trying to do what I can to do it myself. Does anyone know of any website, book, or process I can do to submit to the courts for visitation.

Comment from papa
Time: May 14, 2008, 10:37 pm

Hi Kelvin, glad you’re not giving up brother….. here’s the thing….. you are right… if your ex won’t cooperate, you are going to need a court order to lay down your visitation schedule…….

You do not need a lawyer to go to court….. when you represent yourself, that’s called pro se (on your own behalf) … quite a number of folks think this is the best way to go about it anyway…… so many of us (including myself) have had bad experience with lawyers (multiple) …

going pro se is a lot of work, requires a lot of research, and, you don’t want to make a mistake …..

here is a link to a great bookstore (powered by amazon.com) about father rights court stuff:

http://www.princedaddy.com/about/fathers-rights-custody-books/

Now, the other thing that I highly recommend is this service:
http://www.princedaddy.com/family-law-questions-answered-for-a-fee/

What’s so cool about that service is that you can get a lawyer to answer a question for cheap ($15 or 30 bucks…) … if you’re not satisfied with the answer, guess what? you don’t have to pay ……. I have heard nothing but positive feedback from people using this service …. see, while a lawyer may charge $300 an hour… the service above can bring info without breaking the bank……

In your situation, what you need is accurate info …… research …. networking…. faith ……… you took a good step in leaving a comment here… I’ve got a lot of law and info on here …….. look around…… comment more…….

good luck!

Comment from the king
Time: May 16, 2008, 5:52 am

Ok me and my x were together for 6 mos and she out of the blue gets pregenant now she is a liar and most likely has had other sex partners, she is 19 and I’m 21 she lives with her mother can’t hold a job and gets violent when she is mad she has stolen money right out my checking account, and is basicly trying to make me out to be this rageohollic I have called the police and they won’t beleve that she beats on me because she always says I hit her and she is an all around bitch trying to really mess up my lif. Right now I know she is trying to get the most chid support possable and keep me from seeing the child by saying that I’m a violent psyco. I’m trying to go to school and better myself and I refuse to have that taken away because I don’t want to deal with a crazy person. My question is how can I 1 get a paternity test 2 avoid outragious child support 3 keep her from harrassing me and finaly see my child

Comment from papa
Time: May 16, 2008, 12:25 pm

Hi “the king” …… “she out of the blue gets pregnant” …. no offense our good king, but, no woman ever just “out of the blue” gets pregnant… unless “out of the blue” means she had an actively ejaculating cock in her vagina ……..

as for your first two questions… from the sounds of it you are going to need to get a court order …… if it’s not your child… end of story and your second and third question are irrelevant …….

ask her to voluntarily get a paternity test…. tell her that you won’t give her any money if you don’t know for certain it’s your child ….

basically, it sounds like you’re going to need to get a Judge involved……..

Comment from Matt
Time: May 19, 2008, 8:08 pm

My story starts out the same as most of yours. I was with my sons mother for 3 years, we had my son, things went downhill. I was working for her dad at the time making good money while she went to school. She was extremely abusive to me and negleted our son leaving me to take care of him most of the time. I took it for almost a year and a half before I left. I moved back in with my parents and still saw my son every Thursday through Sunday because she was in school. We agreed on an amount of child support and I started paying it to her to keep us out of court. All was fine until I met my now wife. Things went downhill and on my sons birthday and 10- days before I was to get married I was served papers that were ridiculous. These things said I had to pay her $800 a month, 60% of all his medical bills, she was claiming I owed her over 5 grand in back child support even though I’d been paying her what we agreed on every month since we’d split. The papers gave me every other weekend, NO holidays, I never got him on his birthday. You get the gist. I was told I had to sign them, and return them to her lawyer on a specific date which happened to fall on my honemoon. Yeah right. Well, I had to hire a lawyer, and a mediation was set up. I was starting school, which she knew about, I was married, and her lawyer wouldn’t back down. Unfortunately I had no choice at the time but to sign the damn papers or go to court. Well I’m in a full time program at school and couldn’t afford to pay my lawyer to go to court. Needless to say I got screwed. Now the best part, her dad let me go right after and I’ve been out of work since. I’m working part time making nothing and my wife had to pick up a second job which isn’t fair since he isn’t even her son. And still have to pay 800$ a month. I never see my kid, she calls all the time wanting money for this and that. Takes him to the doctor and instead of getting the generic for pink eye which was 4$, gets 50$ medicine and sends me a bill. Like how the hell am I supposed to pay that? I get him one weekend, he’s crying when I pick him up saying his teeth hurt. I call his mom and she says “yeah, he’s been saying that.” I’m like “did you see one of his teeth has a spot on it? It looks like a bad cavity? Are you brushing his teeth?” She said she was and that he had a dentist appointment already set up. The appointment is 4 months down the road. I had my son all weekend and he didn’t eat the entire time. I called around and found a dentist who would take him Monday and she says no cause its interfering with her work schedule. I offered to take him and she said no that’s not my place since she has custody. You see a problem here? After 2 weeks he’s still in pain so I call child services. They take him away from her for several hours, then I get a call from her cussing my out telling me she hopes I die blah blah… I told her, if she’d have taken him this wouldn’t be an issue. I can’t take him, I only get him on the weekends. Needless to say 6 weeks later he had to have 2 teeth completely pulled because she’d let them rot so bad. Child services says they can’t prove neglect so there is nothing they can do. I’ve submitted paperwork to the state requesting our case be reviewed and child support be temporarily reduced until I can get out of school and get a job but after a month of waiting was told it could take up to 5 more months for an answer and I don’t even know what they’re gonna say! I’m frustrated and don’t know what to do. I don’t have the money for a lawyer, but the papers are ordered out of a county that doesn’t help you out in knowing what needs to be done. I called and they told me they can’t help me and I need to research it in a law library or hire a lawyer. Does anyone have a clue what we can do? Thanks for listening. Sorry this was so long!

Comment from papa
Time: May 19, 2008, 9:53 pm

Matt, thanks for taking the time to put your story down on the site.
You seem like a pretty smart guy…… I recommend that you represent yourself in court (pro se)… that requires a lot of work and a lot of research; but, a lot of folks are happy that they went that route (and, it’s definitely the affordable route!)

Here is a very good and affordable way to get a lawyer to answer a family law question:
http://www.princedaddy.com/family-law-questions-answered-for-a-fee/

Good luck Matt and stop back

Papa d

Comment from Clayton
Time: May 20, 2008, 5:17 pm

Papa,

You said for me to look into denial of custody– Due to order the mother got– What is that exactly?

Comment from papa
Time: May 20, 2008, 7:33 pm

hey Clayton… glad to hear that you’re still out there and that you’re still swinging . .you deserve credit for that man …… I know that it can get disheartening ……… your situation is a little bit complicated in that she keeps filing for restraining orders….. I would think that this would have to eventually reach a point where it would cause her some type of problem … but, I don’t know …….. I am not an attorney ……..

“denial of custody” is just the technical terminology for when the custodial parent interferes with the noncustodial parent’s time with the child …… given your situation, it’s just a good concept to be familiar with ……

I don’t like it that you’re in a situation in which you’re desperate and “begging” your lawyer to do things……… as far as I’m concerned, that is a bad sign …….. believe me.. I been there done that ……… these comments I leave are not theoretical……..

My advice is that you use this service to ask a few questions:
http://www.princedaddy.com/family-law-questions-answered-for-a-fee/
It’s affordable, and, people love it …… you can get a lawyer to answer your question(s) for cheap $15 or $30 ……. if you don’t like the answer you don’t have to pay …… you get answers that you can feel confident about ……….

as I said, I’m not a lawyer, and, I’m not sure, to be honest, for what strategy to recommend concerning the repeated false allegations which lead to the tro abuses …….

good luck Clayton ……. stop back and let me know

papa d

Comment from Lindsey
Time: May 22, 2008, 5:54 pm

Hello. My name is Lindsey, and I have a few questions on my boyfriend’s behalf. We’ve been together for over 4 years, but about 2 years ago we had a brief break up, and during that time he had a one night stand with a girl, and she got pregnant. Unsure if the child was even his, he wasn’t there for her at all during the pregnancy. She made his life a living hell pretty much the whole time, telling him she was going to take him for everything he was worth, even though she had no clue who the father was. She ended up thinking the baby boy belonged to another man, but to be sure, they had a DNA test done, and turns out, my boyfriend was the father. We had gotten back together shortly after she became pregnant, and I have stood by him through this entire thing. After the DNA test, the mother went to the state to get child support issued, and there wasn’t going to be a court date set for quite sometime, so my boyfriend gave wrote her checks whenever she needed anything. during this time before the child support amount was set, she did make his life hell. Since there was no visitation set up yet, she would just “all of a suddon” change her mind an hour before my boyfriend was supposed to see his son, and she would tell him he’s a jerk and he’ll never see his son again. She said that I don’t know how many times! When she didn’t get what she wanted, when she wanted, she threatened him. He basically put up with battling her for about a year. Then, 5 months ago, she decided she didn’t want the baby anymore. She just up and decided she didn’t want to be a mom anymore. Then, a month later, child support went into effect, and it’s at a very unreasonable amount, and she doesn’t even have the child anymore! The child stays with my and my boyfriend, and my boyfriend’s mother. It’s basically a 50/50 thing because my boyfriend is in college and his mother wants to give him breaks to take care of his studies. But legally, the mother of the child is still the custodial parent, and his “entitled” toreceive support. And to top things off, she’s been doing meth on a regular basis, but how can we really prove it without a picture of her with a pipe stuck to her lip, ya know? It’s just such a huge mess, and we don’t even know where to begin! Basically, my questions here are: How can we prove her unfit enough to have her rights taken away or at least get supervised visitation set up? How can we get child support stopped for the time being so my boyfriend isn’t racking up a huge bill with the state? And where should we even start to take action in this situation? She still sees the child every couple of weeks, and we worry about her taking him to one of her crack dens she frequents, and putting the child in potential danger. How can this be stopped? And also, she refuses to change the child’s last name to my boyfriend’s last name, what can be done about this? Thanks so much for taking the time to read this, and I would appreciate any advice you can give.

Comment from papa
Time: May 23, 2008, 12:42 am

Lindsey, baby, your boyfriend is a lucky guy to have your support… and, that you stayed with him after the one-night stand… you are clearly a very understanding and good person .. as to your situation: there is only one way to legally change a child support amount when it has been prior set in court… and, that’s to go back to court and demonstrate change of circumstances and get it modified… now, I’m not an attorney, Lindsey, but, I’ve done a lot of reading on these topics, and, that’s how I understand the issue …..

When you’re in court for the child support issue, you can also argue that this crack-smoking mom is not in the child’s best interest and therefore she should lose the official residential custody status and be entitled to supervised visits…. seriously, this woman sounds like a detriment to the child!

The name issue can also be addressed by a family court Judge …… particularly if there’s a change in residential custody; but, honestly, you just never know what is going to happen in family court…….

As i said, I’m not a lawyer… here’s a cheap way to get a lawyer to answer a question:

http://www.princedaddy.com/family-law-questions-answered-for-a-fee/

good luck
papa d

Comment from Lindsey
Time: May 23, 2008, 6:48 pm

Thank you Papa for your advice, and I will be sure to pass it on to my boyfriend asap! Also, I will definitely keep you posted on any updates with this situation. Thank you again, you’ve been much helpful and put my mind at ease. We’re currently in the process of trying to find a VERY good attorney. And also, thank you for your praise and compliments. I don’t hear it enough. My friends think I’m nuts for sticking around! But, like I always tell them, it’s not called unconditional love for nothin! Plus, I have truely grown to love this child as if I birthed him myself and I only want the best for him, and right now, he need all the love he can get to make up for his mother being a complete imbecile. Anyways, thanks again, and I’ll keep in touch.

Comment from papa
Time: May 23, 2008, 7:32 pm

Lindsey, right on… you are welcome…. I’m glad I was able to put your mind at ease a bit… that’s good that you’re trying to track down a good attorney… but, let me emphasize not to overly rely on an attorney… in my experience, that is a very serious mistake…… in my experience and from my networking and reading; I will say that most lawyers are just after the dollar and not terribly interested in the best interest of your child… I have had repeatedly bad experiences with different family lawyers and so has EVERY SINGLE PERSON that I know who has been through the family court grind..

so, do get a lawyer, but, also do A LOT OF READING + RESEARCH YOURSELF!!!!
Check out this bookstore I put together:
http://www.princedaddy.com/about/fathers-rights-custody-books/

YOU MUST RESEARCH ON YOUR OWN IN ORDER TO KNOW WHAT TO TELL YOUR LAWYER TO DO!
I can’t really emphasize that enough… it’s a big part of why I put this site together…. to try and make it a little bit easier for the noncustodial dads out there…….. easier than what I had to face ….. look this site over and take a look at the articles and the links …..

Remember, before a lawyer bankrupts your ass, here’s a brilliant way to get some questions answered for pretty cheap:
http://www.princedaddy.com/family-law-questions-answered-for-a-fee/

I think you have the right attitude. …. The things that truly matter in life are NEVER EASY…….. it’s the worthwhile things THAT WE MUST FIGHT FOR!

good luck baby!<